You want a girl who will move right in
You want a girl for the IRS
You want a girl who's good in bed
But not so good she thinks you're bad

You want a girl from the Internet
Who hasn't slept with half your band
You want to find your better half
You want to say you married your best friend

And I know that it's hard
But we're both adults
Just trying to make good
This world is the worst
You've got to find a new girl
Find a new girl
Got to find a new girl
And it's kind of a shame
But it's for the best
And you'll be okay
You're gonna find somebody
And it's gonna be a new girl
Be a new girl
Gonna be a new girl

You want a girl who wears black shirts
Someone who's kind and doesn't hurt you
You want a girl to sell your merch
You're getting tired of the search

You want a girl who doesn't sweat the election
Or if you can't maintain an erection
You want a girl who doesn't use protection
She'll love you for your imperfections

And I know that it's hard
But we're both adults
Just trying to make good
This world is the worst
You've got to find a new girl
Find a new girl
Got to find a new girl
And it's kind of a shame
But it's for the best
And you'll be okay
You're gonna find somebody
And it's gonna be a new girl
Be a new girl
Gonna be a new girl
I can't wait to meet your new girl

You want a girl who's got a job
You want a girl who gets along with your dog
And under pressure, she keeps her calm
She'll be your rock, she'll be a mom

You want a girl who's really sure
You want a girl on your furniture
You want someone to join your team
Well, the girl you want just isn't me

And I know that it's hard
But we're both adults
Just trying to make good
This world is the worst
You've got to find a new girl
Find a new girl
Got to find a new girl
And it's kind of a shame
It ended this way
But you'll be okay
You're gonna find somebody
And it's gonna be a new girl
Be a new girl
Gonna be a new girl
I can't wait to meet your new girl